Cradle to Grave

It’s kind of incredible how eager Cameroonians are to share their major life events. In the six months that I’ve lived in Mendakwen, I’ve attended them all-a marriage, funeral, birth/naming ceremony, and even school graduation. So far I haven’t been invited to a single Bar Mitzvah, but I’m not holding my breath on that one. The past two weeks have a little overwhelming, as I was found myself at a funeral, naming, and primary school graduation in quick succession.

            As much as possible, I generally avoid trying to directly compare aspects of life in Cameroon to those in America. The cultures function as such completely different systems that it tends to be a pointless enterprise, as well as a frustrating one. But the life events that I’ve been included are such universal experiences that they lend themselves pretty easily to comparison. And in this case I don’t necessarily think that one culture comes out on top, so I’ve decided to share my thoughts on them. I’ve decided to list the events in the order that I attended them as opposed to chronologically in order to best show my reactions and keep in mind my relative experience with Cameroon at each point. Also, please forgive the bulleted lists. I tried to write this out longhand, but it became so long that no one would have gotten through it.

Marriage

·         Original date of wedding ceremony moved several times due to disagreements between the groom and the bride’s family (but was not moved to accommodate the couple’s daughter’s school schedule)

·         Bride and groom arrived at ceremony together and half an hour late

·         Groom declared that the marriage would be monogamist (he had the option of polygamy!) and the crowd cheered

·         Couple had already received a traditional marriage and this ceremony was just for the civil system

·         Wedding reception had its own Master of Ceremonies

Funeral

            This one was the most different from its American equivalent.

• ·         Entire funeral party went to the morgue to watch as the body was placed inside the coffin
• ·         “Hearse” played music that would be fitting for an ice-cream truck the entire way back to the family compound
• ·         The appropriate grieving process seemed to involve simultaneous weeping and dancing. There was a live band blasting music the entire time.
• ·         There were funeral programs passed out that contained the schedule of events as well as tributes from family members.
• ·         Members of the grieving family all wore matching fabric. If a funeral isn’t the perfect opportunity to show off the family style, what is? 
• I had to leave relatively soon after arriving at the family compound-it was all just too much for me. I can accept different ways of celebrating, but I had a hard time with the mix of emotions being expressed. I wish I had a better way of describing this event, but I think it might fall into the category of “you had to be there”.

School Graduation

My next-door neighbor, Asmahan, graduated from primary school this past week. She attended Chantal Biya’s (the president’s wife) Champion Primary School, which is a government school that receives support from the first lady herself.

·         Event began two hours after it was scheduled. I was proud of myself when I showed up a half hour late, thinking I had finally gotten the hang of this “African time” thing. If only.

·         The ceremony began (as most things do) with opening prayer.

·         The appropriate graduation gift was a terribly tacky fake flower that they were selling by the road outside from the school. Asmahan had specifically asked for one, and I didn’t want to disappoint her, so I got her the least offensive one I could find. There was visible cardboard on all of them and they looked like they had all already been through a few graduations. The boys selling them should have been paying us to take them off their hands. 

·         The program was an entire page long and offered the promise of an entire day of graduation activities. I wish I could say that I stuck around long enough to confirm or deny this. I left after four hours, but there was no end in sight.

·         There was a graduation cake that was nowhere near large enough to feed even the entire graduating class (about 40 students). I needn’t have worried, as the cake was only intended for the invited notables, teachers, and parents brave enough to go take a piece. There was definite begging on the part of the MC for parents to come take “a taste”. This was when I decided I had had enough.

·         All of the students participated in some form of dancing. There were costumes at multiple parts of the ceremony, but I didn’t see a single cap or gown.

·         It looked like all of the graduating students would receive a bucket, but I’m not sure anyone got a diploma.

·         My neighbor graduated first in her class and as the best female student overall. This isn’t any kind of cultural difference, but I’m quite proud of her!

Naming ceremony

·         I should mention that I wasn’t aware of my next-door neighbor’s (and close friend) pregnancy until she was in her eighth month. Chalk that up to the style of dress here or my general cluelessness, but the whole baby thing definitely took me surprise.

·         The baby wasn’t named until he was almost a week old. I missed most of the ceremony (it unexpectedly started much earlier than planned), but I know the name was officially given at the local mosque. The new baby is named Mohammed, just like his older brother. Luckily, they have different middle names, which I’m assuming they will go by.

·         The most appropriate baby gift was a bar of soap, and the various guests completely filled a bucket with the stuff. They all brought the exact same kind-a beige unscented square that is made by the palm oil company. I wish I knew what the new mother is supposed to do with it all; she definitely can’t wash her new baby and it will likely take years to go through it all just by washing clothes and dishes. One of the many mysteries of my existence here.

As confusing as these new experiences have been, I’m incredibly grateful and humbled by the ease in which my new friends have allowed me to join in on such intimate moments of their lives. They’ve been quick to show me parts of Cameroonian culture and ensure that my time here is as informative and rich as possible. I’m not always quick to remember the parts of Cameroon that I enjoy, but my friends and neighbors here always top the list. This post details the major events that I’ve attended recently, but a more comprehensive one would include the everyday greetings, the easy routines, and all of the people here who regularly go out of their way to make me feel at home.