I’m not so far removed from American culture that I think
that Texts From Last Night is still a popular website, but I’ve been reminded
of it by a few of the more ridiculous text messages that I’ve received (and
sent) over the past few months. Unfortunately, my phone makes me delete most of
them (remember when cell phones had a limit to stored messages?) but here are
some of the ones I’ve saved in my inbox. They seemed too good to delete. Even
if you don’t agree, hopefully some of these messages will give a different kind
of insight than I usually put in this blog.
“To my darling French friends…actually life friends. Wishing
you love, happiness, and solid poop in the new year”.
“Being the biggest Peace Corps hippie right now: candles, incense, and Taylor Swift. Thought
you’d appreciate it. Much ag love”.
“I’ve had dia[rrea] for a week and a half and just had to
shit on someone’s roadside farm cause it was that urgent…watching “Poop in a
Hole” [PCV Youtube clip] cause they are the only ones who get me right now”.
“filled a bag with cow shit for my garden and chose to
moto[rcycle] home. Didn’t have a cord to
tie the top, lost my grip, arrived covered in poopy sweat. fml agro problems”.
“Weird day. On the way to the market dude yelled ‘sweet
pretty rihanna’ at me in English. Boutique man wanted me to buy some cleaning
spray… for vaginas. His wife uses it. There are 10 women and 5000 children
doing laundry in my concession, idk why. Think I best go eat my liquidy street
yogurt and call it a day”.
[During the world cup]
“Watching obscenely attractive soccer players is my favorite
coping strategy at the moment in case you’re wondering”.
“It’s officially been four weeks since I kissed a boy and I
washed my hair. The only American I’ve seen in that time is [***]. I think I
need [my postmate] to come back to post…”
“PEACE CORPS DIRTY HIPPIES ALL DAY EVERY DAY”
“I’m currently slingshotting birds in my friend’s field so
obviousment [it’s catching on!!] I’m disponible whenevs”.
“ROOSTER IN MY COMPOUND WAS KILLED THIS MORNING! Feeling a
probably unhealthy level of joy over the demise of another creature but no
guilt-gonna sleep so well”. –I wish I didn’t identify so strongly with this
one…
[Same sender as above]
“THERE IS A GOAT IN MY HOUSE. What is this life”
[Referencing the surprising popularity of transition glasses
in Cameroon]
“We can’t make cheese happen but inconveniently tinted
glasses take off…this world is balls”.
“watching BBC Life with my neighbor friend. Loves the
monkeys, not impressed by the aquatic animals. ‘I eat fish. This film is
stupid’. Six years old, already a critic”.
“My neighbor who I haven’t seen in two weeks told me I’ve
doubled in size and that I should lose weight for my health. Somedays people
suck”. Needless to say, Cameroonians and Americans have entirely different
rules about what is and isn’t acceptable to say between friends.
“I just went past [my favorite moto-boy] on his moto and he
held out his hand and we high-fived. Whatta freaking keeper”.
“New milestone of development achieved in [my post]: Twix
now available!”
I guess it’s time to clean out my phone’s inbox now.
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